Roast Duck
by
J.R.Atwood
Contact details:
Email: greenpaddocks@gmail.com
website: Index
UniteD States Copyright Office Registration: PAu 2-454-290 (Jan 4th 2000)
The author asserts his full moral rights in relation to this publication.
A hand, with a pink glove on it, plunges a dirty pot into a sink. Underwater we see the pot being scrubbed with a steal wool. It rises to the surface again, kind of clean. Attached to the hand is WAYNE Johns, a man in his mid to late twenties. He is in the middle of a huge pile of pots, pans and dishes. Steam rises from the dishwashing machine as WAYNE sneezes into his hand, he looks around then wipes the contents on a tea towel. A waiter runs in and grabs the tea towel and some meals and takes them out into a small restaurant, he comes back in moments later and pulls out a pouch of tobacco.
waiter
We need some balls on four.
chef
Unless they want mine, they’ll have to wait.
WAITER rolls a cigarette and lights up as CHEF pulls out some raw mince meat balls from the fridge and starts throwing them in a pan. He drops a few but just picks them up off the ground and ads them to the dish.
waiter
Do you think people want to touch your testicles?
chef
I think you want to.
WAYNE looks out into the busy restaurant and notices a young curvaceous woman, DANSKA. She is approaching a French man, JEAN, who is sitting by himself. The CHEF notices WAYNE looking and takes a peek around the corner himself.
chef
Oh, very nice. We got the lettuce and the tomatoes there.
CHEF watches DANSKA’S breasts as they gently bounce up and down.
chef
Poetry in motion.
CHEF throws a very sharp knife at WAYNE, he dodges it then catches it as it touches a plastic barrel which has green liquid inside and a skull and cross bones on it and reads: CAUTION AVOID CONTACT WITH EYES, SKIN AND ALL LIVING THINGS. The plastic barrel starts leaking just a little bit, just the tiniest of drops, it drops down into a shoe box, before WAYNE notices and moves it, wiping the substance off at the same time.
wayne
Shit.
chef
Wash that would you?
waiter
Do you guys ever think that you might hurt each other doing things like that?
chef
There’s two types of people in a kitchen my friend. Those with knives in their hands, and those with knives in their heads.
WAYNE quickly cleans the knife and throws it back, CHEF, without even looking around catches it. He inspects it and sees his own reflection in the blade. Another waiter frantically comes into the kitchen, he is Scottish.
scottish waiter
Danska wants a low-fat free-range Caesar salad!
chef
Low-fat? Free-range? Are you talking to me?
scottish waiter
I told her we had some healthy tennis player type of things on the menu. I didne know what to do, she had these huge boobs sticking out in front of her aye, and she gave me this little smile aye, and flickered her eyelashes!
The other WAITER slaps him in the face.
waiter
How many times have I told you not to listen to the customers.
CHEF looks at WAYNE.
chef
Wayne, chuck a bit of lettuce in a bowl would you.
WAYNE, still with his pink gloves on, whips up a salad and hands it to SCOTTISH WAITER, who runs out with it. CHEF serves up a piece of fish, which SCOTTISH WAITER then comes back for (still with the salad in his hands).
We follow SCOTTISH WAITER into the restaurant…
DANSKA sits opposite the Frenchman, JEAN. SCOTTISH WAITER brings out the salad and places it in front of her.
DANSKA
No fat. No?
SCOTTISH WAITER, covers his groin with his waiter's tray.
scottish waiter
Fat? Oh, the lettuce. Nay.
SCOTTISH WAITER takes some finished plates to the kitchen, still trying to cover his groin. We stay with the couple at the table.
jean
You know Mary and I are just good friends at the moment.
DANSKA
Really? I thought you were getting married.
jean
You hear that from the media. You can't trust those scum. Last week they said I shot at a ball boy in Milano.
DANSKA
But you did shoot at him.
jean
Yes, I did, but they still exaggerated the whole thing. (pause) Danska, I only 'ave eyes for you. When I look at you, my heart goes pounding in my chest. I can't think of nothing else.
danska
Really?
jean
How can a man resist when the bird of love comes and whispers in his ears.
DANSKA begins to eat her salad. She glances into JEAN's eyes with lust. She places a piece of lettuce in her mouth, smiles, then begins choking. She splutters pieces of half chewed lettuce onto JEAN's face. JEAN wipes the lettuce from his face as DANSKA starts choking.
jean
What's wrong?
DANSKA keeps choking, JEAN races behind her and slaps her on her back. She spits out something onto the table.
WAYNE is again lost in his dreams and his dishes. The MAITRE D' comes up to him holding a piece of wire (steel wool used for cleaning pots) in his hand.
maitre d'
You know where I found this?
WAYNE stops washing his pots and holds up a steel wool of the same type that is being shown to him.
wayne
Is that a rhetorical question?
maitre d'
(pause) I found it in Danska's salad.
wayne
So, what's one thing got to do with the other?.
maitre d'
I have had enough of your bohemian drug taking attitudes.
wayne
My what the attitudes?
maitre d'
You haven't got what it takes to make it in this business, you better just go back to taking ecstacy or whatever you hipsters do nowadays, because if you don't care about customers eating bits of wire (he holds the wire up again shaking with rage) then I can't help you.
wayne
So, bits of wire fall into things, that's life man.
maitre'd
You're fired.
He turns back to look at DANSKA, bowing apologetically . He turns back to WAYNE.
wayne
You're kidding right?
maitre'd
I don't kid when it comes to customer service, please clean out your locker immediately.
WAYNE looks into the restaurant as JEAN comforts a distraught DANSKA.
wayne
You know, one day I might become famous, then you'll have kiss my arse.
maitre'd
I very much doubt that Wayne, I very much doubt it.
WAYNE pulls off his pink gloves, places them on a bench. He picks up a shoe box and walks out the back door.
wayne
Well you just wait and see mate.
maitre'd
Chef, call the agency and get another dishwasher.
CHEF continues to stare at DANSKA and JEAN. SCOTTISH WAITER comes back into the kitchen with a plate of snails which are still moving, he holds them up to CHEF.
SCOTTISH WAITER
I got a complaint from table four, they say the snails are a little under done.
The MAITRE'D looks at CHEF in horror as the snails slowly slide around the plate, moving around on the garlic sauce.
chef
I know. The peasants in here wouldn't know what fine cuisine is.
JEAN leads DANSKA out of the restaurant as MAITRE'D reaches over to attack CHEF with a knife.
It starts to rain, WAYNE walks along getting wet, making sure to cover his shoe box, he looks up to the heavens.
wayne
I guess you think this whole thing's a bloody big joke.
An old WINO looks up from the gutter holding a bottle of sherry.
wino
Yes.
The WINO laughs and continues to laugh as WAYNE walks past a railway station, still alive with activity, and up towards Chinatown. The railway's clock strikes 11 p.m. as an ambulance races past him.
WAYNE enters an apartment in Chinatown.
WAYNE enters a lift and presses to go to the forth floor.
Wayne gets out of the lift and walks to a door, he opens the door and a soccer ball bounces near his head, he enters the apartment. Behind the soccer ball there is a lively party with dozens of people dancing to loud popular techno music. WAYNE's flatmate, GIZZ DILDE, a gay man in his early thirties, greets him — rather intoxicated and dressed in a red devil's outfit.
gizz
Oh hi Wayne. We're having a little cast party.
wayne
Great.
A GUEST runs past WAYNE, nearly knocking him over, and gets the soccer ball.
gizz
Come on camper, cheer up, have some fun.
The GUEST walks past the two.
guest
Let's do some damage!
WAYNE looks at GIZZ.
gizz
He probably doesn't mean that in a bad way.
The soccer ball hits a television and smashes the screen.
gizz
Anyway, can't stay… so I'll catch you later.
GIZZ runs off firing off "hi's" and "how are you's?" to everyone he meets, a whole group of people dressed in European soccer jerseys run past after the ball, singing in foreign accents.
soccer hooligans
We're going home in the back of a divvy van!!
WAYNE goes to his room with his shoe box and shuts the door.
WAYNE carefully opens his shoe box and holds a small bird, a budgerigar. There are two cages, one with birds in it and one without birds in it.
wayne
You okay now budgie?
He puts the bird in its cage by itself, then pulls out a little music box and opens it, it plays some music.
wayne
Time for bed now fellas.
WAYNE leaves the room, turning on a little teddy bear table lamp and turning off the main light as he goes. The bird stares out into the room as the music box plays. A lightning strike illuminates the room, showing BUDGIE sitting on his perch, his eyes glowing green.
The flat now looks like a bomb has hit it, many of the guests have gone home, and a few more make to leave. There are still 20 or so people remaining, a couple of guys slowly pass the soccer ball to each other. RICHARD, a man in his thirties, and EVA, a tall blonde, sit either side of WAYNE on a couch drinking beers.
RICHARD
So what do you do Wayne?
wayne
I'm unemployed.
eva
Don't be so hard on yourself.
wayne
I'm not being hard on myself, I just don't have a job.
RICHARD
I always love it when actors say that. We don't need society's shackles chaining us to some definition of who we should be.
wayne
I'm not an actor…
eva
You've got to fight them Wayne! Stare them in the face and tell them: I do have a job. I am a performer. My body is my work!
WAYNE bends over and whispers to GIZZ, who is behind the couch with an Asian guy.
wayne
Gizz, your friends are talking arty-farty talk to me again.
GIZZ gets up and zips his trousers up.
gizz
Don't confuse Wayne, he's from the country you know.
Wayne walks away from RICHARD and EVA, he goes over to where the alcohol is and grabs himself a beer. He sits down in a corner of the room and sulks. A young woman, ZERA, approaches him — she looks quite out of it and has a tampon stuck to the side of her face, as well as some cigarette butts and other rubbish. She is very jittery. She holds out a sheet of LSD with little Lumberjack icons on it.
Zera
You want to try some Lumberjacks, they're from Canada?
wayne
I don't really take drugs.
ZERA starts chewing her nails and looking around the room.
Zera
Neither do I. So what's your star sign?
wayne
Sagittarian.
ZERA pulls out a cigarette and starts to smoke it. The soccer ball hits ZERA in the head, she doesn't really react.
Zera
I'm Gemini, we are totally opposites.
WAYNE kicks the ball back.
wayne
I don't understand all this astronomical stuff, it all sounds a bit "up in the air" if you know what I mean.
We switch to her POV. She hears WAYNE, who is now a green crocodile.
wayne (POV ZERA)
I'm a green crocodile which means I don't understand people, so I eat them. They taste good.
Back to normal. ZERA stares at WAYNE, looking very pale.
wayne
Are you okay?
Zera
You won't freak out if I leave will you.
wayne
Oh, no.
Zera
Okay.
GIZZ comes over to WAYNE.
gizz
Wayne, I've got to tell you something, tonight. (Someone walks past — GIZZ turns to him) Oh hi! Enjoying yourself, have some spicy hoummos (He turns back to WAYNE). Come onto the balcony for a few minutes.
The soccer ball lands at WAYNE's feet. People continue to dance. WAYNE lines the ball up and fires it through the remaining dancers, narrowly missing people's heads. It crashes into some vases. He heads to the balcony with GIZZ. ZERA comes up to him again and yells . . .
Zera
You shouldn't eat meat!
wayne
Okay.
ZERA begins to look freaked out again and, in a paranoid puff, runs away. Stopping just for a moment before she goes.
Zera
Sorry, I have to go.
The door leading from the apartment to the balcony opens up and WAYNE walks out. It is still raining a bit. The soccer ball flies out and knocks a beer from the hand of ROB, a bearded fellow with a beer gut, who is hanging over the balcony — the beer and the ball fall the four stories, down to the ground. From inside a voice can be heard.
voice from inside
Can we have another ball?!
The door slams shut.
wayne
How's it going out here?
rob
Hot! But the thermals seem unable to bring back what has been lost. (He looks sad, almost about to cry) There was a whole mouthful left in it…
wayne
It's not the end of the world mate.
rob
Yeah, I suppose.
ROB goes inside sobbing as GIZZ staggers out, holding a drink which slips from his hand without him noticing leaving him holding air in the shape of a glass.
gizz
Wayne! I've got some good news to tell you.
wayne
What?
GIZZ leans over the balcony and stares at the sky, still holding his imaginary glass.
gizz
You know, well, we start filming on Thursday...
wayne
Yes.
WAYNE looks kind of puzzled.
gizz
Wayne, I'll cut to the chase. I want you to write the script!
GIZZ holds his hand up, he then notices that he doesn't have a drink anymore, he looks around trying to find it then continues.
wayne
What do you mean, didn't you already have got a script?
gizz
Not, really.
wayne
How did you get money from those guys then?
gizz
I showed them a script I downloaded a from an internet site.
wayne
Well why don't you use that?
gizz
You wouldn't believe it, it turned out to belong to some kid whose "father is a lawyer" and who's going to sue me if I don't give him thousands of dollars for it and blah, blah, blah.
wayne
Why don't you just pay him for it?
gizz
Where's the money going to come from Wayne? Parties like this don't grow on trees you know. Besides, it's the principle of the whole thing, this country is too quick to condemn an entrepreneur like myself.
wayne
I didn't know that you had any principles.
GIZZ lights up a cigarette and starts smoking.
gizz
You'd be surprised Wayne.
WAYNE ponders for a moment.
wayne
Don't you feel bad about lying and cheating to people all the time?
gizz
I don't feel proud about anything I do. But what's done is done. I suppose I could just kill myself. Throw myself over the edge, I mean Mr Pitt's going to do it anyway if I don't make his stupid bloody film!
He starts to sob.
wayne
Well, maybe you need to learn not to do things like this.
gizz
Dying Wayne, is not going to teach me anything! A great friend you are.
wayne
I didn't say I wouldn't do it, you big sook.
gizz
(cont.) I mean, I've had nothing but good things to say about your writing. Everyone else says, "why are you hanging around with that loser from Mallacoota," and I say, "hey, that loser happens to be a friend of mine, so you shut your face, right…"
wayne
I said I'd do it.
gizz
Oh, really, cool bananas!
GIZZ kisses him on the cheeks
We switch to GIZZ's POV. All of a sudden he's standing in front of a big green crocodile with a lumberjacks outfit on. The crocodile starts dancing and singing.
crocodile
Hey dude, don't make it bad, we take a sad song and make it wetter, wetter, wetter.
GIZZ slaps himself in the face. A group of revellers are in the alley-way below singing a drunken rendition of Hey Jude, really badly and really loudly. There is some more noises in the alleyway, it is the sound of a violent scuffle.
voice from the alleyway
Give us your fucking money maggot!
A moment later a rubbish bin can be heard smashing.
voice from the alleyway
You fucking Cow maggot!
wayne
Struth, what was that?
ROB opens the door and walks out onto the balcony as GIZZ continues to slap himself.
wayne
Quick grab a light!
He races inside and grabs a powerful movie light, knocking ROB's beer down to the alleyway again. ROB goes inside again as WAYNE comes out with the light, knocking ROB over the balcony, he then shines the light in GIZZ's face, then down to the alley. A figure can be seen down there standing over someone lying on the ground. The figure runs away at the appearance of the light.
cut to:
screen title: earlier that DAY…
It is day five of the Kooyong Classic Tennis Tournament (tournament before the Australian Open). WAYNE and GIZZ are waiting in a line to get into one of the tennis courts as crowds walk around in the summer sunshine. Gizz smokes a cigarette and eats a greasy battered fish; he is very well dressed, but looks as though he's had a few too many illegal substances. WAYNE has a shoe box under his arm. He has dark glasses, zinc on his nose, a camera and a hat, he looks like a dork. The crowd roars inside as the umpire calls the match’s score.
gizz
I wonder who’s playing?
WAYNE shrugs his shoulders. He takes a photograph of a “virtual blimp” that is hovering overhead. The blimp displays the match in progress. A lady, further ahead in the line, is coughing from GIZZ’s smoke. Behind them two European looking men, who are dressed as their favourite tennis star MARY SHINE, with long blonde hair and all, stand. We go over to them.
Mary-man
Have you seen her Christian?
Christian
No, no. I hope we have not missed her.
Mary-man
No, no, it's not possible I have the time right here, we've watched the door, she has not gone in so she must be here. She can't just vanish like that. Poof, in thin air, no.
MARY SHINE, late twenties/ early thirties, comes striding into the picture. She walks with great confidence and total focus, her long blonde hair bouncing along with every step. She notices the men dressed as her and tries to hide behind some of the tennis crowd so she can sneak past them. She is going well to begin with, but the guys spot her and walk over to her with smiles. She tries to ignore them, but they stand in front of her with autograph books like idiots.
Mary-man
Ah hello Mary, my friend and I were wondering if you would sign us an autograph.
She takes the autograph book and signs something quickly, hands it back then walks away. MARY-MAN and CHRISTIAN look at it.
christian
What did she write?
MARY-MAN
"Leave me alone please!!”. She has never wrote this before, she must be having a bad day.
christian
You must have annoyed her. I thought you said she likes it when you dress like her.
MARYMAN
Hey, she likes the dresses! I told you she likes the dresses.
christian
Well I don't believe you any more. I'm going back over to be with my other friends.
CHRISTIAN walks over to his group of friends who are all woman dressed like another tennis player, tough woman MELANIE HESSE (something like Xena warrior princess). Back in line GIZZ continues to smoke.
gizz
(To a lady who is continuing to cop his cigarette smoke) I’m a filmmaker love, don’t worry about me.
The lady is peeved. She moves towards her boyfriend.
gizz
(To WAYNE) That always gets them.
The lady’s boyfriend, a very large man with a mean, weathered face, casts a menacing look towards GIZZ. GIZZ hides behind WAYNE and quickly butts out his cigarette. MARY walks past the two and WAYNE turns his head for a moment to look at her.
wayne
Wow, that's one of the players I think.
The virtual blimp flashes the score: Gödmunsdotter 6, 6, 5 Rafter 7, 4, 5
gizz
Nice arse.
CUT TO:
MARY walks along with her tennis racquet bag under her arm, her AGENT, a fast-talking American in her 30s, joins her.
agent
At the end of each point could you just twist a little towards the camera, the sponsors are complaining that they're not getting enough exposure.
mary
I don’t care.
A large Scandinavian masseur stands holding some steaming towels as MARY and her AGENT walk in.
agent
Well you should care. We are talking about a multi-million dollar deal here Mary, and frankly, at your age, you better take advantage of it while you can. You're not a spring chicken any more.
MARY lays down on the table and the masseur begins her work.
agent
I might as well go talk to some pigeons…
The Agent leaves. MARY stares blankly at the wall as her massage continues. Outside a game can be heard finishing.
umpire (outside)
Game, set, match, Gödmunsdotter.
MARY’s boyfriend, JEAN, a French man in his mid-thirties (who we saw earlier in WAYNE's restaurant), appears at the dressing room door.
jean
Ah, Little Bean. I wish you good luck, as always.
He raises his hand to his lips and blows a kiss. MARY, turns her head away from him.
jean
What’s wrong little bean?
flashback
MARY walks past a group of photographers who are taking pictures of DANSKA. Cameras flash away, none in her direction. DANSKA bends over and shows her large cleavage, JEAN can't take his eyes off her, MARY looks peeved.
danska
It’s just great to be in Australia (giggle).
end of flashback
Mary
Nothing’s wrong “I just loving showing my young breasts in Australia.” It is so lovely in this country, the way I can show my breasts all over the place.
jean
Quoi??
mary
We might talk about this later.
jean
But…
mary
Go away.
JEAN sheepishly departs. The MASSEUR smiles.
mary
I just want to find a man that is not a pig. (to MASSEUR) Do they exist?
MASSEUR
(bit like Russel Crowe) I don’t know if I’m the sort of girl you should ask about that, if you know what I mean.
mary
Sorry.
MASSEUR
No problem.
MARY relaxes back into her massage.
mary
(to herself) Why is it all so complicated?
CUT TO:
Wayne and Gizz have successfully negotiated the line and now stand at the edge of a corporate box on court 5 as two male tennis players exit to the dressing rooms. GIZZ points to a very, very fat man, who takes up three seats, MR PITT, sitting in a private box.
gizz
There he is.
wayne
Why did you want me along here again?
gizz
No reason.
A few moments pass, then Melanie Hesse, a broad shouldered lass a lot like Xena. enters the court. The automatic computer score board announces that Melanie Hesse and Mary Shine are about to play their quarter final's match. Melanie is built like a weightlifter. Mary SHINE enters the court to much applause, she does a few stretches. A coin is tossed to choose ends, then the two opponents eye each other off as they begin their warm up rallies.
WAYNE opens his shoe box and puts a little bird seed inside.
gizz
Why did you have to bring that damn bird along, it makes me nervous. He keeps looking at me.
BUDGIE stares at GIZZ from inside the box.
gizz
See! He just did it then.
WAYNE notices a SECURITY GUARD coming up the stairs towards them. He turns to GIZZ, who is smoking another cigarette, GIZZ butts out the cigarette.
wayne
He's got a sore wing, I can't leave him home alone.
A strong gust of wind blows as storm clouds thunder on a distant horizon.
MARY SHINE is waiting to serve to MELANIE HESSE.
Mary and Melanie have finished warming up. Melanie is serving. After a short rally she wins the first point.
GIZZ and WAYNE are nearly down to where MR PITT is sitting.
MR PITT waves his hand towards GIZZ, who waves back.
gizz
You just have to act like you can use the same urinal as the big boys and everything should be okay.
GIZZ and WAYNE walk stand next to MR PITT. MR PITT watches the match pulling a cream-covered strawberry from a glass with his fingers and chewing it up.
mr pitt
Have a seat boys.
The two have to negotiate PITT's huge belly to reach their seats.
mr pitt
How's it going boys? Everything okay. Do you need some strawberries?
gizz
No thanks Mr Pitt.
mr pitt
(looking at WAYNE) So this is the young man you were telling me about. (he holds out his hand to WAYNE, almost squashing GIZZ in the process as he leans over him. Rather than shake WAYNE's hand he just gives it a little tickle) Gosh, he's prettier than I ever imagined, I'm sure if you write half as well as you look, things will just go along famously.
MR PITT eats another strawberry and licks his fingers. WAYNE wipes his hand with an old handkerchief.
wayne
I haven't really written much...
gizz
(quickly interrupting) great day, isn't it!
mr pitt
I read the obituaries this morning and I wasn't in them.
GIZZ laughs loudly and fakely. WAYNE looks puzzled.
wayne
But you wouldn't be alive to read it, if you were dead.
PITT laughs at WAYNE.
mr pitt
Quite the joker I see. Anyway boys I won't keep you long, I just wanted you to meet my assistant, Ted Green.
Seemingly from out of nowhere, a mean looking man in a very dark suit, with dark black hair and dark sunglasses appears, it is TED GREEN, a man in his thirties with a cockney accent. He holds his hand out to GIZZ and starts to crush it, GIZZ can't handle the pain and falls to the ground.
ted
Pleased to meet you.
mr pitt
Ted, let the boy go!
TED releases GIZZ.
mr pitt
If there are any problems, you can rely on Ted here to fix them. Is that all peachy?
GIZZ, getting up off the ground.
gizz
Peachy cream.
mr pitt
Good, now break a leg.
TED kicks GIZZ in the shin, GIZZ falls back down with pain.
mr pitt
(cont.) Don't mind Ted, underneath that violent exterior, there's just a soft marshmallow waiting to be slowly roasted over a campfire.
TED smirks at WAYNE, who helps GIZZ up.
gizz
We should really get going.
mr pitt
Glad to have met you Wayne, hope the muse visits you and tickles your fancy during the night -- I know I'd like to.
GIZZ, hobbling, pushes WAYNE past PITT. PITT grabs WAYNE's hand again and licks it, WAYNE is disgusted. They move a bit up the stairs.
wayne
What was that all about?
gizz
I'll tell you later.
They exit.
ted
So what's up with giving these two paper bags money to make a lickety split?
mr pitt
I just feel like it you piece of dog shit!
ted
But why?
mr pitt
Because it's none of you bloody business! Okay Ted! I'm the brains of this bloody operation, not you Ted, not anyone else. Me. Me, me, me, me!
He pulls out a button and presses it, it sends some sort of signal to TED who falls down in agony holding his head.
mr pitt
What did I say about questioning me, what did I tell you?! Now let's go over this again. Who-is-the-boss?
ted
Ah!!! You are Mr Pitt.
TED continues to be in pain, PITT goes back to eating his strawberries, still holding the button as people around him stare.
umpire
Would people please ensure that all electronic devices are turned off during play!
The crowd gives a little clap (as they do at the announcement of similar mobile phone messages), PITT pokes his tongue out, then switches off his device. TED goes back to normal.
Two commentators, BILL and DOUG, both in their forties, look out onto the match of MARY and MELANIE, their microphones to their mouths.
bill
Mary, the former golden girl of tennis hasn't been able to match the might of Melanie today.
doug
Yes Bill, it looks like Mary's in terrible trouble. The ball must be looking like a pea to her and I get the feeling she just doesn't want to be out there.
MARY groans loudly on court as she loses another point. MELANIE looks cool and collected. The virtual blimp shows the score: 6-3, 6-7, 3-5 (In MELANIE's favour). CHRISTIAN starts chanting with one or two other MARY followers.
group of men dressed as mary
(Courtside) Let's go Mary, let's go! Come on Mary!
doug
Did you know Bill, that both of these girls came from the same village in Romania? A little place called Transelgg, snuggled in the serene surroundings of the Romanian Alps.
bill
Well there you go Doug. Life is stranger than fiction.
CUT TO:
The clouds over the stadium have turned a pure-black and they are thunderous clouds. On court MARY and MELANIE continue their game. MELANIE is serving. MELANIE'S supporters, and defector MARYMAN, start their own chanting (rather brutishly).
melanie supporters
Come on Melanie, finish her off!
MELANIE serves and MARY hits it into the net.
Mary
Stupid!
umpire
Forty-love.
group of women dressed as melanie
Let’s go Melanie, Lets go!
umpire
Quiet please.
Doug v.o
It’s really going to rain in a minute! (He turns to BILL in the commentary box) You know Bill I haven't seen clouds like this since the flash flood swept Roy Dyer from centre court in the 1973 Brisbane Classic.
bill v.o
Yes Doug that was a big year for tennis.
doug v.o
Melanie Hesse is about to serve for the match. She raises her arm like an executioner's axe . . .
The weather has really soured. The wind has picked up. Leaves fly through the air. A few rain drops fall to the earth. They are becoming heavier. MELANIE serves an ace, and the match is over.
umpire
Game, set, match, Miss Melanie Hesse.
mary
(Throwing her racquet) No!!!
MELANIE is laughing at MARY as she holds her hands up in victory. MARY just kneels in the rain, that is now bucketing down, drenching her shirt and hair. Someone from the crowd, MARY’S MOTHER, throws lemons at MELANIE.
bill v.o
And what’s this Doug, lemons raining down from the sky and landing on Melanie! What a sight to behold, obviously the Lord himself is trying to send us a message…
doug v.o
Hang on Bill, it looks like it’s only Mary’s mother…yep she’s being dragged off by security…again. She’s a character, isn’t she Bill?
Security guards drag off MARY’s MOTHER. MARY continues to sit in the rain.
Mary’s Mother
You can’t do this to me!
CUT TO:
Mary sits in her hotel room, high above the city. She is sobbing by a window that looks out onto the modern city of Melbourne. Her boyfriend JEAN is in the room getting dressed. Mary stares out the window. Jean goes to put his hand on her shoulder but she brushes him off. Mary continues to stare and sob.
mary
(Slowly and with some calm) Danska is only sixteen. For Christ's sake! (She rubs her eyes and her temples). As though this stupid day isn't bad enough.
jean
This is very difficult for me you know. (He sobs). I can't help it, I'm French!
mary
You're a French pig. That's what you are!
MARY tearfully walks towards the room's bar and grabs a few glasses which she hurls at JEAN.
mary
(cont.) A pig! Now get out from my sight!
jean
Perhaps we should talk later little bean.
JEAN runs from the room as glasses smash over his head. MARY spots the various beverages in the mini bar. Her hands are shaking, they reach out to a little bottle of scotch, she unscrews the top and takes a mouthful from the bottle — she chokes, obviously not very used to it.
flashback:
A five-year-old MARY SHINE stands on a tennis court, that is in need of repair, with a tennis racquet as tall as herself. A Romanian couple, her parents, a tight-faced, uptight pair aged in their forties, are giving her instructions and telling her to try harder. Through the tennis court's wire fence, a “Sound of Music” type of grassy field can be seen.
young mary
But mutter can’t I go play with the other girls and the goats? It is such a nice spring day.
Mother
Those
goats are smelly creatures! You keep away from them. I don't want you
smelling like urine! Do you want to turn out like a farmer girl, do you? Huh, with broad shoulders. Like all the Hesse family? No. (she softens a little and puts on her nurturing voice, patting the child's head). And all that dirt will ruin your complexion. (She rubs some moisturising cream on the child’s face). You'll be
a beautiful star one day. You'll make our family proud, not to mention
rich. (She turns mad again) I don't want you turning out to be some
farmer girl who marries the first goat herder that knocks her up!
In the near-distance young girls can be heard playing in the fields. It is such a super spring day! MOTHER leaves her for a moment and MARY goes to the dilapidated fence and looks out onto the field. Another young girl, presumably MELANIE HESSE, walks past carrying a traditional milk-yolk over her shoulders. She notices MARY and smiles. MARY, pokes her tongue out. The young MELANIE, not to be out-done, raises her middle-finger. MARY, mouths the words "fuck-you" as MELANIE goes to raise the back of her milk-maid's costume. Melanie’s mother comes and whacks her over the head. MARY looks satisfied with herself.
mother
Mary! Get away from that fence. How can you be wasting time when your serve and volley game is still so sloppy? (She guides MARY back to the court then turns on her gentle voice again) Come on darling, cooperate.
End of Flashback.
The empty bottle of small scotch sits on the bench, the last drop spilling onto the floor overlooking the city. MARY slams the door as she exits.
Blurred sounds resonate in Mary’s ears. She wears a red cloak around her head, hiding from the world. Drug dealers ask here if she wants to "score". She can barely hear them, nor understand them, not used to this rough, outside world. The rain still belts down. Police drive by, they stare at her, then turn their police lights and siren on and race away. She turns and notices a lady with a hook-arm following her. She turns down an alleyway, past the Roast Duck cafe. Bev, the hook-lady, joined by some other shady looking characters, follow her. A group of revellers pass by singing a kind of terrible karaoke version of Hey Jude. An old Chinese man drinking tea watches them go by. An Indian man tries to sell her live cobras. MARY turns a corner, then vomits on the ground.
Bev
(To MARY) Got any spare change for a tram ticket? I had my wallet stolen earlier and . . .(she watches the revellers pass by then raises her hook menacingly). Give me some fucking money maggot!
MARY just stares vacantly. Bev’s thug assistants watch at the end of the alleyway as she threatens Mary. Mary, wiping vomit from her face, still doesn’t respond. Bev smashes her in the face with her hook. Mary lies bleeding as Bev searches her for money. Finding none, she is enraged. She yells and grabs a plastic rubbish bin. She lifts it over her head and drops it on Mary.
Bev
You fucking cow-maggot!
MARY is unconscious. Bev pulls out a large knife and holds Mary’s limp body up by her long blonde ponytail. She slices the pony-tail off and throws it into a nearby bin. At the same time a bright light beams down in her face. Bev looks up, is startled, and runs. A few moments later a middle-aged woman, Jennifer, comes to Mary’s aid.
JEAN enters the hotel room. He sees the empty bottle of scotch and holds it up.
Jean
Merde!
He goes to a travel bag and rummages through it for some time, rambling in French. Finally he pulls out a small silver hand gun. He then goes to the bathroom, and washes his face.
jean
Why does she always do this? One little problem and she runs away like a spoilt princess. Such a typical woman.
A few moments later, after cologne, hair-wax, and picking the hairs from his nostrils, he's looking pretty good. He looks into the mirror and does an impression of Mary.
jean
I'm Mary Shine. When things don't go my way I go crazy and disappear.
He puts his gun in his trousers then takes another look in the mirror.
jean
Ah, looking good Jean. She doesn't deserve you.
He heads out of the door.
cut to:
Ambient "new age" music wafts through the air. MARY is in a bed, she has a few bruises and her hair is quite ragged, she looks nothing like the princess of the day before and is dressed in some hippy type clothes. She looks around trying to orientate herself, holding her thumping head. She notices she has some sort of green substance on her hair (comfrey) she examines a piece of it. A man wearing nothing but a towel and a farmer's Acubra hat, walks past her into an adjoining room. He's FARMER MAN, an old Aboriginal man in his sixties.
farmer man
(Tips his hat to Mary) Hey.
Mary, too emotionally fragile to reply verbally, just gives a small and hesitant smile. Her face has swollen, and this manoeuvre makes her wince. She attempts to stand, but she is a bit wobbly and has to immediately rest on a nearby chair. She again surveys the room. The FARMER MAN is now clothed and he walks back past her.
Farmer man
Bit under the weather, aye? (MARY's neck is still a little unresponsive but she manages to look at the man). Well you're in the right place for it. That Jennifer's pretty good you know. Well, Cheerio love.
The farmer man tips his farmer hat again and leaves the room. A kettle can be heard whistling in another room — the room that the Farmer man just came from. MARY stands — a little more competently this time — and walks into the next room. There is a massage table there and diagrams of people and their pressure points and lots of other new age type of things. Sunlight streams in through the remnants of yesterday's raindrops, illuminating a largish window. In a kitchenette, attached to the room, the boiling kettle can be seen. Jennifer is sitting on a cushion on the floor, meditating in a half-lotus position. The kettle is now going crazy. Jennifer takes a deep breath.
jennifer
(She opens one eye) You must be feeling like a cup of liquorice tea.
JENNIFER rises and goes to the kettle.